1. Identify clear family structure: This might seem like a no brainer; you might be shaking your head thinking ‘of course we know who is married to who and who lives with who.’ You would be surprised, if you have little kids they often do not understand the complicated relationships and circumstances that got you to the place you are now. You must clarify- using a picture from of a family tree is a great visual aid. The kids in your family system need this clarity in order to begin forming a confident sense of self.

  2. Clarify and utilize best communication methods: Often there is confusion about personal preferential ways to communicate. These personal preferences must be communicated and in return, honored, in order to best serve the family system.

  3. Recognize each persons individual needs: Each individual experiences love in a different way. During times of change it would benefit each person to think LESS about what they need and MORE about what the family around them needs. This might be the step where you recognize that someone needs outside support.

  4. Identify and embrace outside resources: It is often challenging and uncomfortable to reach outside our nuclear family system for support but this 4th step challenges you to identify and actually embrace a least a few outside resources (close friends, school staff, support groups, spiritual organization, community center, counseling).

  5. Assume the Best First: This step is universal. If we all went into interactions assuming the bestof the other party how different would OUR mood be throughout the day? You can chose to letyour negative thoughts control your behavior OR you can chose to change your thoughts, in turn changing your behavior, in turn change your habits and character.


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