Category: Uncategorized

The List YOU Need If You Are Getting Married

I don’t know about you, but I love LISTS. Not just lists, but lists, steps, bullet points, all of them. These strategies help to cut through superfluous information in order to allow the most important information to be highlighted. That’s why, when I find articles that have good lists about topics I find interesting, I pour through them as a fish to water. The article below is a great example. If you are thinking about getting married, or re-married it’s definitely worth reading.

Enjoy!

Sarah

If you are in crisis please call 911.

If you would like more information about how Equip Counseling can help support your entire family visit Equipcounseling.com

Save Your NO’s

Parenting teens has always been challenging but it seems even more daunting now with the onslaught of media, constant connection with technology and mixed messages all around. I was given the advice a while back to “Save your NO’s” whenever possible while parenting teens.

Our teens are trying to figure out how the world works, sometimes it’s uncomfortable to watch that happen. If they feel close to us as parents, they will ENLIST us along the way (sharing their challenges, their fears, details of plans, etc).  If they feel marginalized and unheard they will DISMISS us (increased need for privacy, sharing little to no detail, avoidance). Saying YES repeatedly silently (or not) shows our teens “I believe in you! I trust your growing decision-making abilities and I’m here to support as you navigate making more of them.”

I want to clarify that this idea is not synonymous with being doormat and saying YES to everything our teens ask; you are still the adult entrusted with their safety. This is about giving our teens confidence to make choices/decisions while they are in our homes.  Say YES to all the little and medium things so they can learn and make mistakes with us right there to coach them through it. You will have to decide what the NO’s are for your family; I recommend establishing these NO’s before the issues come up. Then, when you do say NO, your NO’s have weight because of relationship fostered during all the many times you said YES.

If you already are doing this? Great! Keep it up, it’ll pay off. If you recoiled from the post above, I encourage you to challenge yourself with the questions below:

1.       Is your first answer is usually NO? Why? Is it just out of habit, or maybe just because ‘you are the parent’? Does it seem to be working well?

2.       Why NOT say YES? Really think about why you hesitate to say yes to things. If saying yes is a trigger for YOU, perhaps its more about the control, less about the question.

3.       How would your relationship change if you said YES more times than NO this week with your teen? Maybe try it. ????

Well, that’s it for this post! I look forward to connecting soon.

Be well,

Sarah

*If you have a teen in crisis please call 911.

If you would like more information about how Equip Counseling can help support your entire family visit Equipcounseling.com

About ME

I am a therapist, yogini, wife, mom and introvert. Born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, I am surrounded by family and believe that these strong family roots led me to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. I love to work with Blended Families and all that comes with that adventure. I have four kids, a blended family, a crazy dog and thrive in chaos.. I look forward to connecting with you soon.

Best-

Sarah

If you are interested in connecting with EQUIP Counseling, click here.

Top 5 Tips for Blended Families

  1. Identify clear family structure: This might seem like a no brainer; you might be shaking your head thinking ‘of course we know who is married to who and who lives with who.’ You would be surprised, if you have little kids they often do not understand the complicated relationships and circumstances that got you to the place you are now. You must clarify- using a picture from of a family tree is a great visual aid. The kids in your family system need this clarity in order to begin forming a confident sense of self.

  2. Clarify and utilize best communication methods: Often there is confusion about personal preferential ways to communicate. These personal preferences must be communicated and in return, honored, in order to best serve the family system.

  3. Recognize each persons individual needs: Each individual experiences love in a different way. During times of change it would benefit each person to think LESS about what they need and MORE about what the family around them needs. This might be the step where you recognize that someone needs outside support.

  4. Identify and embrace outside resources: It is often challenging and uncomfortable to reach outside our nuclear family system for support but this 4th step challenges you to identify and actually embrace a least a few outside resources (close friends, school staff, support groups, spiritual organization, community center, counseling).

  5. Assume the Best First: This step is universal. If we all went into interactions assuming the bestof the other party how different would OUR mood be throughout the day? You can chose to letyour negative thoughts control your behavior OR you can chose to change your thoughts, in turn changing your behavior, in turn change your habits and character.

    If you are interested in Booking an appointment with Sarah, a Blended Family specialist click below: HERE

Welcome Welcome!

Are you excited? I am. You are reading my first blog post. Over the years many people have told me I should write down some of my most memorable stories in book form. I’d like to think people enjoy my stories because of my wonderful re-telling abilities but it probably has more to do with the fact that I have a full, usually amazing, often chaotic life. I like to think of it as BLESSED. And Blended.


 While I’m not quite at the book stage yet, this blog is a great way to share some of those stories, experiences, and life lessons- as well as how they have helped shape my worldview and therapeutic focus. As a Marriage and Family therapist in private practice I have chosen to narrow my scope to focus on work with BLENDED families. If you know our family story you will understand this partially comes from personal experience and I’m sure some of those stories will serve as reference in this blog. But more so, I feel like this population is highly under served.

Marriage and Parenting is hard even when things are going smoothly and harmoniously. What happens when things are acrimonious and unstable? Marriage and Parenting can become downright un-fun. When this happens, we no longer focus on thriving but simply on surviving. This is no way to live.

My goal through this blog is to lighten your load around blended family issues using stories, current topics, evidence based research and education. Sound boring? Don’t worry, it won’t be. My posts will be often but brief as I am aware of each of your busy lives.

Questions:

Q: Is this blog only going to be about blended families?

A: Nope. I’ll be posting about divorce, marriage, co-parenting, kids

Q: Do I have to be in a blended family to identify with your posts?

A: No way. I’ll offer universal parenting, marriage, and personal growth ideas

Q: Does this mean you’ll only see blended families in private practice?

A: No. My scope of practice supports me seeing all forms of clients, blended families is just the sub-set I have chosen to specialize in.

Well, that’s it, folks! I hope you enjoyed my first official blog post. Stay tuned for the next one which will give my top 5 tips for Blended Families.

Be well,

Sarah