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Taking the Leap

Taking the first step toward counseling can feel daunting. If you’re reading this, you’ve likely been thinking about it for a while — perhaps after another sleepless night replaying the same argument, or watching your teenager retreat further into their room. You’re not alone in wondering what actually happens behind that therapist’s door.

Will it feel awkward? What questions will be asked? Is it like a medical appointment? This guide will walk you through exactly what to expect in your first marriage or family counseling session in Kirkland, so you can enter with less uncertainty and more confidence

Why Kirkland Families Seek Counseling

Couples and families come to counseling for many reasons. Some arrive in crisis, while others simply want tools to strengthen their relationships before small issues become big ones. Common reasons include:

• Communication breakdowns that turn every conversation into conflict
• Parenting challenges, especially in blended families navigating “yours, mine, and ours” dynamics
• Trust or intimacy issues that create distance between partners
• Life transitions like divorce, remarriage, empty nest, or serious illness
• Teen struggles with anxiety, depression, school stress, or family tension

In Kirkland, we see unique pressures too. Many families juggle demanding tech careers with long commutes across the 520 bridge, competitive school environments around Lake Washington, and the complexities of blended households. Counseling offers a structured space to step away from the constant notifications and actually focus on each other.

Your First Session: A Roadmap

Think of the first counseling session as orientation and exploration. It’s less about solving every problem in 50 minutes and more about understanding where you are and where you want to go.

The Physical Space

When you arrive, you’ll enter a comfortable, private office designed to feel more like a living room than a clinical setting. There might be soft lighting, comfortable chairs arranged in a circle rather than across a desk, and tissues discretely placed within reach. This intentional warmth helps everyone feel more at ease.

1. Intake & Getting Comfortable (10-15 minutes)

Your therapist will review consent forms, privacy policies, and practical matters like scheduling and fees. You’ll be reminded that counseling is confidential, with standard exceptions for safety concerns (harm to self or others, child abuse, etc.). This isn’t meant to be intimidating — it’s about creating a safe, clear framework for your work together.

2. Sharing Your Stories (25-30 minutes)

Each family member or partner will have space to share what brought them in. The therapist might ask:

• “What would need to change for you to feel this was successful?”
• “When did you first notice things feeling difficult?”
• “What’s working well that you want to preserve?”

The therapist listens for patterns: where conflict repeatedly arises, what feels stuck, and where each person hopes for change. They’re not taking notes to judge but to understand the system you’ve created together.

3. Collaborative Goal Setting (10-15 minutes)

Together, you’ll identify both immediate needs (like reducing weekly arguments about chores) and longer-term hopes (like rebuilding trust or creating stronger co-parenting routines). Your therapist won’t impose solutions but will help clarify what matters most to each of you.

What You Won’t Find in Couples or Family Therapy

Many people worry that counseling will feel like a courtroom where someone gets declared “right” or that the therapist will take sides. That’s not how marriage and family therapy works:

• No blame games: The focus is on the relationship system, not labeling one person as “the problem”
• No judgment: Your therapist acts as a neutral guide, not a referee
• No quick fixes: Sessions are about understanding patterns and practicing new skills, not handing out magical solutions

Therapeutic Approaches You Might Experience

While every therapist has their own style, many draw on evidence-based approaches such as:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Helps couples recognize emotional patterns and create more secure bonds
• Gottman Method: Uses research-based interventions for communication, conflict resolution, and rebuilding friendship
• Family Systems Therapy: Views challenges in the context of family dynamics and generational patterns
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Tackles unhelpful thought patterns that fuel conflict

You don’t need to know these methods in advance. Your therapist will adapt their approach to fit your family’s unique needs and cultural background.

Real Change: A Kirkland Family’s Story

Sarah and Mike (names changed) came to counseling after their blended family hit a breaking point. His teenagers refused to accept her authority, their elementary-aged daughter felt caught in the middle, and date nights had become strategy sessions about household management.

After three months of weekly sessions, they reported: “We’re not perfect, but we actually laugh together again. The kids see us as a team now, not two camps. Last week, his son actually asked my opinion about something — that hadn’t happened in two years.”

Frequently Asked Questions

Should we bring our kids to the first session? It depends on the situation. Sometimes therapists meet with parents first, then include children. Other times, especially with teen issues, the whole family starts together. Your therapist can advise when you schedule.

What if my partner doesn’t want to come? Individual sessions can still help you change patterns in your relationship. Many reluctant partners join later when they see positive changes.

How many sessions will we need? Some families see improvement in 6-8 sessions, while others benefit from longer-term support. You’ll regularly review progress with your therapist and adjust as needed.

Preparing for Success

A few tips can make your first visit smoother:

• Arrive with curiosity rather than defensiveness — everyone’s perspective matters
• Consider your goals beforehand: What specific changes would improve your daily life?
• Expect gradual progress — therapy is like physical training; consistent practice brings results
• Come as you are — you don’t need to “clean up” your problems before starting

Why Local Matters: Choosing a Kirkland Therapist

When you search “couples therapy near me” or “family counseling Kirkland WA,” choosing a local practice offers real advantages:

• Accessibility: Less travel stress means more consistent attendance
• Community understanding: A Kirkland therapist gets the unique pressures of our area — from Microsoft deadlines to Kirkland Middle School dynamics
• Integrated care: Local therapists often collaborate with area psychiatrists, schools, or pediatricians when broader support helps

Signs That Therapy Is Working

Every family defines success differently, but common signs of progress include:

• Arguments that resolve faster and hurt less
• Family members seeking each other out rather than avoiding
• Children showing less anxiety or acting out
• Partners feeling like friends again, not just co-managers
• Better ability to handle stress without taking it out on each other

Taking the First Step

Starting therapy takes courage. Walking into that first session signals that you’re ready to invest in your marriage or family’s well-being — that the relationships that matter most are worth the effort.

At EQUIP Counseling in Kirkland, we specialize in guiding individuals, couples, and families through life’s challenges, with particular expertise in blended family dynamics. Your first session is simply about listening, understanding, and beginning a journey toward healthier connections together.

If you’re ready to take that step, you can book a free initial consultation online. We’ll meet you where you are — whether that’s crisis mode or prevention mode — and work with you to create the lasting change you’re seeking.

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Ready to strengthen your family’s connections? Contact EQUIP Counseling in Kirkland today for your free consultation.

There was an article written recently titled “How Co-Sleeping Ruined My Marriage.” It was written by a father (Van-Winkle) and it received a lot of backlash from the parenting community. I, however, enjoyed it immensely. If you can read past the specifics of the article it highlights the importance negotiation and compromise within partnership.

The author presents that he and his wife had very different views on co-sleeping and that, in the end, it was their lack of ability to change each other that led to the demise of their marriage. At the end of the article the author concludes that “co-sleeping was the casus belli– but the resulting chaos proved fatal” (Van-Winkle, 2015).

I will not take a stand on co-sleeping or not, that is not the point. The point is that all couples have problems that by nature are difficult to solve. John Gottman calls these ‘perpetual problems.’ These problems arise because of our strongly rooted belief systems, family or personal experiences, culture, and perspectives causing these beliefs to become areas of high emotion when challenged.

The good news? Every couple has perpetual problems.

The bad news? It’s up to you and your partner if you choose to let perpetual problems become gridlocked perpetual problems (Gottman). They do not have to be.

How?

1. Find 1 positive thing in your partner’s point of view, even if it’s dramatically different than yours.
2. Accept that your partner’s view is part of what attracted you to them- don’t squash it.
3. Bring humor and levity into these situations; it helps, trust me.
4. Decide if you would rather be RIGHT or HAPPY, you cannot be both all the time.

One of my favorite professors authored a book called, “We’ve Had This Fight Before.” The idea being that most couples will not have 500 fights but the same 5 fights 100 times. It’s a fascinating theory and an even better read. This would be another illustration of perpetual problems. The next time you are eager to jump on your partner for the same thing again? It might be worth remembering the adage that you ‘cannot change someone else, only your reaction.’

So, today, would you rather be RIGHT or would you rather be HAPPY?

Be well,

Sarah

Disclaimer: the above problems do not apply to abuse or neglect. If you are in need of more support, visit www.equipcounseling.com.

Ready or not, the holiday season is upon us. Maybe this is your first holiday season in separate homes or maybe it’s been years. Either way, the holiday season brings up emotion that can often complicate our experiences; this article really highlights this topic well. Considering the holidays are prime memory-making times for our kids, below are the Top Tips I recommend to help make this season smooth and enjoyable for everyone:

Baggage. We all have it. We enter into relationships, romantic or not, with our bags full of past experiences, past relationships, past pain, past joy. Some people choose to carefully unpack their baggage and discard things that are longer useful (unhealthy ways of thinking, toxic relationships, bad habits).  However, no matter how self-aware we are, our history is what frames our present experiences. We may even learn new and effective coping strategies but when faced with heightened emotional situations it’s common nature to revert back to old thinking/behavior that often that leads to taking things personally.

It’s a skill to learn to not take things personally. Sometimes this skill is learned fast, sometimes slowly, and sometimes at the sake of relationships and personally peace. There are books upon books written about the topic; my favorite is The Four Agreements.

I also heard the 3 P’s discussed recently and I thought it was a clever way to do a quick ‘self check’  if you notice yourself feeling emotionally flooded. The idea being, when something happens or someone says something that is disagreeable to you, do you:

1.  take it Personally? (“they are right, they saw through me, they don’t like me”)
2.  believe and start to believe its Permanent? (“this is never going to change, it’s all my fault”)
3.  believe or start to think the event or idea is Pervasive? (“nothing ever goes right”)

Bottom line, it’s normal to take things personally. The goal is to learn to do it less. People are thinking about themselves way more than they are thinking about you. You’ve come so far with that baggage, maybe it’s time to open it up and toss out some ‘old’ things that aren’t serving you anymore. And BONUS, your load will be lighter. ????

Be well!

Sarah

If you are in crisis please call 911.

If you would like more information about how EQUIP Counseling can help support your entire family visit Equipcounseling.com

I believe that couples counseling is akin to changing the oil in your car. A relationship needs regular, predictable maintenance and care in order to run smoothly. Without it a relationship may fail. I encourage couples to find a counselor and commit to periodically having ‘check-in’ sessions with this person. So WHEN, not if, issues come up there is already a support system in place with which both parents feel safe to hash out said problems. Like changing the oil in car, instead of waiting until the engines fails due to low oil, you prioritize maintenance in order avoid major catastrophe. 

Be well,

Sarah

Two walls were PURPLE before today!

I had dinner with my parents tonight and, as always, am reminded of why I love living 20 minutes away from them. My kids love their “Grammie” and “Grandpa” and I love the adult relationship that I’ve be able to develop with them. Tonight my Dad told me about the article I’m discussing and sharing below. Thank you, Pop!

If you asked me to highlight my favorite parts of this article, this blog post would be deliriously long. The article is that good. Yes, it’s long but I encourage you to read it in entirety if you are concerned about raising capable and resilient little people. ????

The author (Benoit Denzet-Lewis) is posing the questions “Why are our teenagers suffering more anxiety?” He presents several actual case studies as well as researchers in the field. He attests that “Anxiety is the most common mental-health disorder in the United States, affecting nearly one-third of both adolescents and adults, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. But unlike depression, with which it routinely occurs, anxiety is often seen as a less serious problem” (Benoit Denzet-Lewis).  Denzet-Lewis goes on to present research from Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, who researches adolescent mental health, that finds “(that) the use of social media and smartphones look culpable for the increase in teen mental-health issues.” This is bold and forward thinking that has been looked at some but needs more research. Denzet-Lewis goes on to look at what happens when we as parents, as well as our education system, lower possible stress/anxiety producing situations and how that directly correlates to lowered teen ‘resiliency.’ One mom in the piece made the poignant comment, “The million-dollar question of raising an anxious child is: When is pushing her going to help because she has to face her fears, and when is it going to make the situation worse and she’s going to have a panic attack?”

Overall the article raises multiple good points and continues to look at the connection between increased technology usage and depression/anxiety. As a parent of a teenager who has no social media I know that the battle is hard. I never place judgement on any decision another parent makes, parenting is hard enough without us judging one another. I do know, though, that our teen’s life is better off on a daily basis because she is free from the pull of social media. She’ll thank us one day, or not. ????

Be well!

Sarah

Enjoy the Article.

If you are in crisis please call 911.

If you would like more information about how Equip Counseling can help support your entire family visit Equipcounseling.com